The Sober Life

So Long Bounty Bars Hello Drunk Tank. So awareness brings on a new focus. It feels like when you see one ant on the floor and then check again, refocus and it is in fact there is a ton of ants and they are everywhere. Alcohol is everywhere. It’s on TV, Instagram, Billboards, magazines and pictures of your mates on Facebook. Everyday there has been a Covid article on broadcast news where people are bemoaning the loss of an hour of drinking or an article about another pub that may be forced to close. No one wants redundancies and bless all those in hospitality at the moment. I am not a zealot that wants this all shut down because I “can’t enjoy myself anymore”, but all we are doing is underlining the pedaling of the last legal drug as the best thing any of us can think of doing.  I have personally found the pubs the safest places to be since the lifting of lockdown apart from my own home. You have to log in there; they keep you under control and for the most part and have been one of...

  Question: What is the next best thing to having a drinking problem? Answer: Knowing you have a drinking problem. Question What is the next best thing to doing anything about a drinking problem? Answer: Being aware of it. Awareness is the new frontier of humanity. It is the acceptable antechamber to the world of action.  So I have left the comfy confines of my mothership Apollo Drunknik, where I mindlessly guzzled anything put in front of me. I am acclimatising in the “still having the odd beer” airlock, looking through the porthole at the alcohol free world. I can’t quite make out if it is a blisteringly scorched desert with very thin oxygen levels or a land of plenty with an almost limitless horizon.  I am aware now the glass in my hand is my second or is my third? I really should be keeping count. I really should start paying attention. The trouble is it starts losing all its fun when you start to think about it. It is like when you start having sex for the first time...

I Drink Therefore I Am “I drank because I was happy and now I drink because I am sad” (Haydn Bradshaw) “If I had all the money I’d spent on drink, I’d spend it on drink" (Vivian Stanshall) When I drink it is pretty much all I do. From the moment the wine cascades into the bottom of a large glass and swirls around its glorious clear bottom that is it for me. The glass will be placed an arms length away and I stare at it for a few moments like the eyes of a cat on an absent minded mouse. It is mine and I can have it anytime I want. It is now game-over for thinking too much and game-over for achieving, game-over from self inspection or being a “productive” human being. Thank God I made it to this liquid full-stop. The trouble is that the craving gets worse and the time between the drinks gets shorter and at the end of one of these phases I could pretty much dispense of the pleasantries of the glass.  Like the line delivered in Apocalypse Now by Robert Duval to Lance the Surfer. “Son...