The Sober Life

THE JOY PARTICLE   NOT HAPPY WITH HAPPY I wrote a poem a few weeks ago which is on the blog post before this one. The poem was written when I was sad, like most poems. It was written during a period I refer to as a T.P.E.( Two Poem Episode) documented in another blog post called A Postcard From Brain Hell. The idea of the poem was to touch on the elusiveness Happiness. I originally started thinking of how radioactive particles decay, I know proper sexy stuff. They have a half-life that obeys a formula. It got me thinking about the idea that if you half the distance to a destination every time, you will move forwards but never really reach it. It brought to my mind that I don't really know what happiness looks like and as a concept it doesn't work for me. I know that happiness is not sadness and it is not boredom or drudgery or suffering. I could tell you if I was happier five minutes ago or maybe have a stab at thinking about it generally, but all levels of happiness seem defi...

     You last found me prancing around topiary versions of giant smiling Pacman heads, throwing petals over my shoulder that transformed into butterflies before they hit the ground. I had spent a month and a half off booze and was convinced I would stay this happy forever in the pink cloud. Well you guessed it I didn’t look where I was going and ended up feeling like I had just walked off the side of a cliff. For no reason that I can pinpoint my mood changed and I was outflanked by sadness. The first day after posting th e last blog I felt a little numb. Things weren’t right but things weren’t bad. The second day three lots of exercise had only generated enough endorphin s to fill a gnat’s thimble. HITT training followed by an hour of yoga followed by a 25 mile bike ride. There was nothing. My superstition started to kick in and I thought by posting a Blog about how happy I was I had basically laid down the gauntlet to the universe to do its worse. And thank you the next ...