The Sober Life

     You last found me prancing around topiary versions of giant smiling Pacman heads, throwing petals over my shoulder that transformed into butterflies before they hit the ground. I had spent a month and a half off booze and was convinced I would stay this happy forever in the pink cloud. Well you guessed it I didn’t look where I was going and ended up feeling like I had just walked off the side of a cliff. For no reason that I can pinpoint my mood changed and I was outflanked by sadness. The first day after posting th e last blog I felt a little numb. Things weren’t right but things weren’t bad. The second day three lots of exercise had only generated enough endorphin s to fill a gnat’s thimble. HITT training followed by an hour of yoga followed by a 25 mile bike ride. There was nothing. My superstition started to kick in and I thought by posting a Blog about how happy I was I had basically laid down the gauntlet to the universe to do its worse. And thank you the next ...

                                             “I knew have should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque”  Bugs Bunny I guess we all know what triggers are. They are like the flush of feeling you get when you come across an old photo you haven’t seen for a while. You get lost for a split second and are transported into the past. It is the same for me but triggers don’t just hang around in draws. They ride on people’s voices, they surf on arguments, they explode in party poppers and resonate in the bells of celebrations. In themselves these shadows of former feelings do not offer a direct threat to my sobriety. The problem is when they remind me of previous reactions and responses, this can lead to a manifestation in the here and now. Old responses quickly excuse current actions and future projections.  I know I need to tune in as in the distance the alarm bells ...